I would be lying if I didn’t say that there was a time that
I couldn’t look at Facebook. If I had to be faced with yet another happy birth announcement, pregnancy announcement or
obligatory sonogram photo- I was going to scream. This is not to say that I was
not happy for friends announcing and proudly sporting their new ‘bumps.’
However, to me, it felt like an emotional ‘hit and run’ scrolling through my
newsfeed.
And this is exactly why I have decided to publicly share my
story (I will apologize ahead of time for length). I did not want to be the reason
why someone’s day was ruined by checking Facebook or worse yet, why they lost
hope in their journey of infertility.
My story begins in February 2012.
My husband, Steve and I had recently purchased our first
home together and decided that there was no time like the present to begin to
fill the rooms in our new said home.
However, by September 2012 we were nowhere closer to filling
our home. I was extremely frustrated and not to mention, had a growing pain in
my left abdomen. After a few weeks of dealing with the sharp pain, I decided to
make an appointment with my OBGYN. I was given an ultrasound and was told that
I had a cyst on my right ovary, but that it would go away on its own within the
month.
Less than two days later, I received a call from a different
doctor in the practice (one that I had never met) telling me that my results
had luckily passed her desk and that my cyst was in fact the size of a small
melon and inside of my right ovary. I
needed immediate surgery to remove the melon.
In mid October 2012, I went in for surgery to have the cyst
removed. Because of its size and weight, my right fallopian tube was destroyed
beyond repair and removed during the surgery. It was also discovered at that
time that I had severe endometriosis (which happens to be the reason for the
cyst) and most likely, the reason why I was unable to conceive. This was hard
news to hear as I began to think the worst.
Immediately following my surgery, my doctor encouraged Steve
and I to try and conceive naturally. Even with one fallopian tube and severe
endometriosis, she felt that I still had a fighting chance.
However, by February 2013, I was beyond frustrated. Annoyed.
Angry.
Nothing was working. I needed a new plan. That month I decided to make an appointment to meet with a reproductive endocrinologist. I was bringing in the big guns!
Nothing was working. I needed a new plan. That month I decided to make an appointment to meet with a reproductive endocrinologist. I was bringing in the big guns!
During the consultation, it was decided that due to my
surgery, endometriosis and age (ekk!), IVF was the best course of action. There
was no passing ‘go,’ no collecting $200, I was going straight to the most
invasive and costly procedure one can have in the world of infertility.
In order to prepare for my round of IVF, I began taking
daily pills and shots beginning in April 2013. I was by.the.book. If I was told
to take a shot at 9pm—you better have believed that I took the shot at 9pm
sharp!
After months of pills, self-inflicted shots and more raging
hormones than a teenage girl at a Bieber concert, I went in for my retrieval on
July 10.
Three days later, I had two little embryos transferred and
went on five days of mandatory bed rest (this sounds a lot more glamorous than
it really is!)
I was in high spirits and thinking positive thoughts when I
received a call from my embryologist midway through my bed rest. None of the
remaining embryos had survived (meaning that we were unable to freeze any of
them for a possible second round). It was then that I began to think that the
round was not going to be successful.
On July 24, my fears were confirmed that the round was in
fact unsuccessful. I was not pregnant. This is a call like no other and one
that I do not wish upon anyone. Months of preparing- emotionally, physically,
financially…all for nothing. I was devastated. Steve was devastated.
To me, the story was ending here, at least the IVF story. I
was done. Tired. Drained. I was ready to begin a new story and began thinking
of adoption. However, Steve insisted that we try one more time.
Exactly one week after the dreaded call, we found ourselves
back at our endocrinologist’s office. I wanted a new plan of action. I remember
looking at my doctor and saying, “This is it, so let’s make it work.” I had
already decided that I wouldn’t go through this for a third round. I couldn’t. He recommended changing my medication
and putting me on a much stronger injection that essentially would put my body
into pre-menopause. As you can imagine, I was a constant pleasure for the
following months (I feel like I may owe some folks a public apology!).
That same week I made an appointment with an infertility
acupuncturist, Adrienne. She had mentioned to me that due to my endometriosis
that I try to eliminate dairy from my diet. In fact, she had suggested trying
and eliminating gluten and grains as well and going full paleo. As you can
imagine- my initial thought was ‘Pre-menopause and a very limited
diet…Christmas came early!’ But nonetheless, I decided to give it a try and (as
many of you did actually know), went
100% paleo that very same day.
Adrienne was convinced that it would help. I remember
leaving on my first day of acupuncture and she saying to me, “It’s going to
work. I just know it.” I got in my car and heard Katy Perry’s ‘Roar’ for the
first time that day. I blasted the radio to the point that the car was shaking.
I had decided that that was my new mantra going into the second round of
IVF. It was going to work.
After what seemed like a lifetime of blood tests, doctor’s
visits, shots, pills, paleo and acupuncture, I went back in for my second round
of IVF on December 3.
This time, my college friend drove down from Pennsylvania to
help me with my five days of mandatory bed rest. It was one of the best
memories that I have to date. We snuggled in bed like two little girls, laughed
about old times, watched Christmas movies and sought promise in what was to
(hopefully) come.
On the morning of December 17, I went in to my doctor’s
office to give blood work. This
was it. Results day. I had given directions to the nurse to call Steve at work
and then Steve was to call me directly afterwards.
I had come home from the doctor’s office and decided to sit
by the Christmas tree and to listen to Christmas music. It is not secret that I
love the holiday season, so I wanted to soak it all in that day in case my
Christmas miracle did not come through. It was then that the garage door went
up. My heart sank. This was not a part of the plan. Steve was supposed to call me. My head was spinning when Steve
appeared at the front door with a biggest smile that I had truly ever seen on
his face and two thumbs high in the air. “You did it!” he shouted. “We’re
pregnant!”
As you can
imagine, we are beyond ecstatic (it’s been soooo hard keeping this secret for
so long) and ready for the next chapter in our life. But I am oddly grateful
for the journey that has been given to me. I never thought this would be my
story, but it is and it’s mine to share. It has taught me so much about myself.
I learned that I am much stronger than I ever could have imagined. My
relationship with Steve is stronger. My faith in God is stronger. For all of
this, I am grateful.
If you know of someone who is struggling with infertility,
the best advice that I can give is to respect the amount of information that
they choose to share with you. This is an extremely personal journey and not
everyone wants to share minute-to-minute details. When they are ready to share,
they will. Additionally, I would
highly recommend paleo and acupuncture as part of anyone’s infertility treatment.
While my doctor was ah-mazing, I truly believe that the paleo and acupuncture
were the icing on my gluten/dairy-free cake.
Lastly, I pray that if this story is all too similar to
yours, that you too, one day, will get your Christmas miracle. Just like my acupuncturist once told
me, “It’s going to work. I just know it.”
